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LOS ANGELES (September 25, 2002 5:42 p.m. EDT) - As
the smallest, newest network, the "U" in UPN
has basically stood for underdog ever since the Viacom-owned
business set up shop in 1995. They don't pretend it's
otherwise.
"Did you know that there are actually several
other entertainment entities that are equally suitable
to be used as a reflexive butt of offhand jokes?"
Viacom public relations chief Gil Schwartz asked at
a UPN press conference.
Schwartz was referring to a WB flack's crack last year
that UPN stands for "Used Parts Networks,"
a reference to the network's purchase of shows like
"Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and the now-cancelled
"Roswell" (which both used to be on the WB)
away from other networks rather than developing them
itself.
Still, United Paramount Network has waged a successful
battle for that free-spending - and thus much-prized
by advertisers - young male market.
At certain points in the ratings wars, in fact, UPN
has boasted more male teen viewers than NBC, the WB
or parent network CBS, also owned by Viacom. So even
in a depressed economy, money has flowed into the netlet
from the fast food, soft drink and movie industries.
For most of its history, UPN relentlessly focused on
this market with oh-man-that's-gotta-hurt programming,
paying not much attention to quality. A low point was
the stomach-turning gross-out special, "When Chefs
Attack: America's Filthiest Restaurants."
But all this changed last year with the acquisition
of the critically acclaimed "Buffy the Vampire
Slayer," for which UPN outbid rival netlet WB in
a closely watched $102.3 million deal.
Rivals say UPN overpaid. But "Buffy" broadened
the network's audience while keeping it young, bringing
in young female viewers and new advertisers like Maybelline
and the Gap.
More than that, as UPN and CBS chief Les Moonves pointed
out at the press conference, "what 'Buffy the Vampire
Slayer' did for UPN was help put it on the map. Yes,
it was a high price tag, but it raised the value of
this entire network."
"I compare 'Buffy' to when Fox stole the NFL from
CBS way back when," Moonves added. "They overpaid
by about $200 million. At the time it may have looked
ridiculous, but it made them a major network."
So the new, "Buffy"-ized UPN is branching
out beyond wrestling and supernatural shoot-'em-ups.
They've got to: UPN may be the network that "WWF
Smackdown!" built, and the wrestling show remains
a profit center, but the fact is that "Smackdown!"
ratings are down.
The most promising new UPN show this season is an updated
version of "The Twilight Zone," now airing
Wednesday nights at 9.
"The Twilight Zone" may also be UPN's riskiest
new venture, because according to all conventional TV
business wisdom, anthology shows no longer work. Modern
viewers don't have the patience to meet new characters
each week. They need the comforting familiarity of a
continuing storyline or cliffhanger endings to draw
them back each week.
Or so the thinking goes.
"It's very hard to get anthology shows on the
air," said "Twilight Zone" co-executive
producer Pen Densham. "They're a self-fulfilling
prophecy."
Densham added that he spent three-and-a-half years
persuading Moonves to give this "Twilight Zone"
a chance.
A big stumbling block is the memory of the quick, colossal
failure of Steven Spielberg's much-hyped "Amazing
Stories" in the '80s, as well as another revived
"Twilight Zone" around the same time that
also didn't last long.
But then, those were the days of just three big networks
with high ratings expectations of their big broadcast
audiences. UPN is not a big three or even a big four
network.
There's been squabbling recently with the WB over which
gets to be considered part of the biggish five.
"We all heard about the wonderful presentation
the WB made," Moonves said, referring to his rival's
press conference.
"I really think it's extraordinary to want to
be included in the top five when in fact you are number
six," Moonves added. "September through May,
UPN beat the WB in adults 18 to 34, adults 18 to 49
and total viewers. Yes, they beat us in 12-year-old
girls, but I understand that's no longer their target
demographic."
Well, I'll leave it to the network execs to sort all
that out. In any case, when it comes to ratings for
new shows, UPN's underdog status actually may be an
asset.
"We'll take half those ratings of any of those
anthologies that didn't work on the broadcast networks
in the '80s and '90s, and that will be a great number
on UPN," Moonves said. "It's a different day
and age. Our expectations are moderate, and I think
they can be achieved at UPN."
So how is this new version of "The Twilight Zone?"
Well, like the original, some stories are better than
others. Last week's one-hour premiere included two episodes,
both of which were diverting. Although the first, about
a gated community that deals harshly with wayward teens,
was also quite silly.
Evergreen, as the place is called, keeps bad kids away
from drugs and gangsta rap and violent movies. "Oh,
you mean everything I care about!" yells sullen,
tattooed Jenna, whose parents have dragged her there.
The problem is, Jenna really is a pill. When they recycled
her into fertilizer for one of Evergreen's many trees,
I found myself not so much shocked as reminded of a
bed of petunias in my own yard that needs mulching.
In the second, eerier story, Jason Alexander plays
Death, here imagined as George Costanza in a really
bad mood. Alexander's Death is not so much taking a
holiday as depressed and on strike. He shuffles around
a hospital in a blue bathrobe and black socks, explaining
to a young doctor that he's just gotten sick of being
the grim reaper.
"Is this a joke?" says the doctor.
"Am I laughing?" says Death.
In the end, of course, Death goes back to work, as
he must. But there's a nice twist - enough to make me
want to see what tonight's "Twilight Zone"
is up to.
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